


don't tell me you love me

by Jaylikestrees



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Crying, Friends to Lovers, Give these boys a happy ending, I Tried, I was going to add more to this, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Major Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Yeah Im bad at writing, Yikes, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, implied past suicide attempt, just lots of sad, just to suffer, sorry - Freeform, verb tenses? What are those, why are we still here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:14:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29307864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaylikestrees/pseuds/Jaylikestrees
Summary: The wind tears at his ashen blond curls while he rushes to pull up the hood on his rain coat. It was significantly colder than early September would suggest and the slight drizzle meant that Gray would probably arrive at his friend’s house late and looking like a wet dog.
Kudos: 1





	don't tell me you love me

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read if anything mentioned in the tags makes you uncomfortable . Self-harm not that graphic but Idk
> 
> Please scream at me in the comments I deserve it.

“How could he have said that?” Theo repeats that phrase almost frantically. Time seems to be passing too fast. It feels as if years have gone by, though it realistically had only been like an hour since the message arrived. His hands are trembling and he dropped the phone in a panic. His breathing is rapid and desperate, his heartbeat too fast. The bathroom floor is not the most comfortable place to have a panic attack but he can’t find the strength to move elsewhere. The phone is vibrating repeatedly though he couldn’t steady his hands enough to check his texts or reply if he wanted to.  
“I love you” Gray messaged. His friend had always been bolder than Theo. He was the kind to act without thinking first, regretting his actions later. Still, it was a strange thing to say. Especially considering Theo wasn’t exactly the greatest person. At the end of the day, he didn’t believe he was lovable at all.  
The start of some obnoxiously loud song has Theo jerk away from his thoughts. It’s a call. Nobody ever calls him. Trembling hands and fear of impending doom aside, he manages to pick up the phone and answer it.  
“THEO? Are you ok? What’s wrong? Come on just say something. Please! Theo!” He recognises that voice. Gray. “Sorry...” he whispers so quietly you could barely hear. “What happened? Did I do something wrong? I didn’t mean to upset you... You know me, no impulse control at all.-““How could you say that?” Theo interrupts, surprised by the sharp edge to his voice, no longer shaky and unsure.  
“What do you mean? It’s true.” “No. Not that. Earlier, that message. “I love you” How could you say that?”  
“Because I do. I love you.” “You can’t! Not me.” “Why shouldn’t I?” “I’m –“There’s a pause while Theo considers how to word this.”- terrible. I’ve done so many bad things. I’m the villain. I hurt you. I wish I never did, but that doesn’t change the fact that it happened. And you’re so nice. Forgave me. You’re my friend for fucks sake. But I’m bad. Dirty, ugly, useless. You shouldn’t care about me and you sure as hell shouldn’t love me! So .Why?” his eyes are welling up in tears as he asks the last part.  
“Shut the hell up! You’re not! You never hurt me. And why do I love you? Yeah I don’t know. Why do people get crushes on their best friends sometimes? Maybe because I like … lots of things about you… like your smile. You look like an idiot when you laugh and it’s so fucking cute and I’m pretty sure someone could write poetry about your eye colour and you’re the only person I care this much about and I really really really love you. I’ll be over at your place in ten mins or so. Be prepared for a hug!” Refusing to listen to Theo hate himself yet again, Gray ended the call there. He was a little out of breath from yelling and speaking so fast, yet he still hurried to put on his jacket to go.  
The wind tears at his ashen blond curls while he rushes to pull up the hood on his rain coat. It was significantly colder than early September would suggest and the slight drizzle meant that Gray would probably arrive at his friend’s house late and looking like a wet dog. The water forming puddles on the cobbled sidewalk splashes as his sneakers hit the ground rapidly. Running wasn’t his plan originally but it was the only way he could actually be there in the time he told Theo. And he really needed to be there as fast as he could, if only to prove himself wrong. The worries keep getting louder in his head. What if he wasn’t ok? He could be hurt. Or worse… He tried before. Should I call an ambulance just in case? Fuck what if he’s really dead? I’m such an idiot. Shouldn’t have hung up on him. Should’ve been with him in the first place. What sort of asshole confesses his feelings via text message anyways? Why have I done this? If there’s any god or something listening, hell I’ll take Satan, just please have Theo open the door for me smiling when I get there!  
Finally he turns and sees the street his best friend lived in. It’s a quiet, nice middle-class neighbourhood on the east side of town. Nobody has ever died there yet. Gray hopes that will stay the same for a while. Theo’s house was on the corner, the road leading directly into his driveway. Gray gives it his all, speeding up his pace again. He has taken just under twenty minutes to get here which was reasonable at best, really fucking too late at worst. Not wanting to waste any more time, he knocked repeatedly and loudly, expecting to get a noise complaint from the elderly neighbours or the young mum across the street being pissed at him for waking the baby. None of that happens though. Instead, he hears his friend’s voice from inside quietly saying “It’s open come on in.” Yes, Theo’s enthusiasm was lacking there, but any response is better than none. Cautiously stepping inside now, he asked his friend where he was, assuming the answer would be his room, or maybe the living room. “Bathroom.” “Okay. Like showering or something? “Gray tried to get his hopes up. “Nah, I’m on the floor.” They immediately got crushed again. The bathroom floor. That never meant anything good… “Are you alright?” “Yeah. Well actually, no. I don’t think so…” Panic rushes over him. “Can I come in?” “Ok…” Not needing to be asked twice, Gray rushed into the bathroom to check the damage. Sure enough, there was Theo, lying on the tiles, bleeding. Wait what? BLEEDING? He knelt next to his friend immediately, grabbing his wrist tougher than intended. Theo winced at the pain but didn’t pull away. Luckily there were only a few small, shallow cuts, nothing dangerous. Gray was relieved not to have to sit in the hospital’s waiting room once again, not knowing whether his only real friend would make it out alive. Still, he felt his eyes sting, seconds later hot tears flooded his face. “You… promised never to …do this again… “, he managed to whisper despite being a crying mess. “I know… I’m sorry…” Theo was crying as well now. “Is a hug ok?” He just nods a little while Gray was already moving over to pull him in. He held him tightly. I wish I would never have to let go. Fuck now’s not the right time for a kiss, right? He stopped that train of thought right there. No need to make this more complicated, they are just two boys holding on to each other as if the world was ending right then and there, one bleeding on the others white shirt. A friend taking care of his friend. And maybe that could be enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Awww yeah we're done! I'm sorry for the mess you've just read. First fucking thing I've written that's not a paper for school.  
> Feedback, criticism, yelling at me in the comments GREATLY appreciated  
> I'll see you around Bye?


End file.
